My Haunted Years: Chapter 3

DISTANT STRANGERS

Written by: Gurpreet Dhariwal

In 2004, I completed the 12th standard and that school phase came to an end. I moved on to evening college after scoring an 80% average and that was more than enough for me to gain admission. 

When I saw my sister educating herself and working at the same time, it inspired my dream of being independent. I wanted to do the same, and after completing my Master’s in Business Administration and getting admitted into a Masters of Computer Applications, I was on my way to realizing that dream. 

But after completing both master’s, I wanted to be a part of more creative work other than working as a software programmer. Hence, I went for jobs that challenged my way of thinking rather than relying on the usual deskwork. 

My brother joined a bank after completing his graduation and did his master's through distance learning. I used to write his assignments.

We were flourishing in our chosen stream of work, and this was the first time I started dreaming about becoming an author. But I wasn’t confident enough and didn’t have any writer friends in my life, and when I talked to my other friends, they never inspired me to pursue writing as my profession. The best thing I did for myself during those early days was never stopping writing, no matter how poorly I formed sentences. 

During English lectures in my third year, I wrote with a pen and paper while attending classes. Nobody knew what I was writing while I pretended to pay attention. From writing movie reviews to sharing my views on the lyrics of the songs, I slowly turned to writing poetry in 2008.

This was that phase of my life when poetry was new to me. I didn’t share my creations until I was sure about the people who wouldn’t have made fun of my writing. When I finally did, they were amazed.

I became a part of eight anthologies and my work was published worldwide. The first story I wrote on my breakup was picked up by an American website and that gave me a boost to pursue writing while completing my master’s.

My sister wanted me to pursue a Master's in Business Administration. My brother wasn’t supportive of her ideas, but I listened to her advice and appeared for the MAT Exam. I cleared it with 85% and joined a regular college. The first year of my master's was so tough that I wanted to give up. I appeared for 105 exams and in some of the exams, I topped the class.

The second year was a cakewalk for me because I gained enough confidence to appear for the surprise tests and presentations. I completed my internship with two reputable brands and landed my first job in 2009. Before this, I worked as a seller of Twinings Tea in India. I remember showing up one day and the office and the people were gone, but that’s a different story. 

I was happy with the experience it gave me, and I started doing more interviews. Meanwhile, my sister went to the United Kingdom in 2008 to pursue her fourth master's, and that same year my brother got married. He moved to New Zealand in 2010 with his wife.

The floor became vacant with my siblings leaving the abode and so we rented out that space. My father gave up on alcohol completely once my brother moved out. He became responsible and didn’t bother my mother much. I kept on working with different multinational companies while living with them. Appearing for interviews was my favorite hobby because it let me know what my worth was in the market. 

I collected 15 offer letters in eight years and worked with 10 companies. I became a freelancer and started writing for different brands while supporting their social media campaigns. 

Read chapter 1 of My Haunted Years

I am someone who has never worked in the same stream of work for too long. I am a multi-tasker and I cannot ever imagine myself working in the same profile for years until and unless it’s writing, of course. But then in writing too, I would want to talk about self-development, mental health, domestic violence, relationships, and poetry.

When my siblings moved abroad, we shared a close bond. Every weekend they used to come on Skype and chat with me and our parents. My brother showcased his surroundings in Auckland and my sister talked about her life in the UK. They both were financially supported by my father as he had to sell his properties to settle them abroad on a student visa.

In 2017, my marital bliss was falling apart. I wasn’t at peace personally and my job started taking a toll on my mental health because I used to work 14 to 16 hours every day while living in the US.

When I came back to India, I had to resign from my job because my estranged husband was making my life hell and I became suicidal. I let go of everything to save some sanity for myself and while doing so I got rid of him and my job. I lived alone for two and a half years in a rented apartment and worked on myself. I fixed myself brick by brick, thread by thread, inch by inch. 

I started cooking food, working out for two hours, running for 30 minutes, cycling on alternate days and reading lots of books. Whenever I felt suicidal, I picked up reading and once completed 12 books in three days. 

In November 2018, all my funds were exhausted and with no job in hand, I had to move back to my parents’ house in July 2019. My father was more than happy to welcome me back home, but it only took a few weeks before he started taunting and abusing me again.

There were days when I cried a lot and told myself that as soon as I get a job, I will move out of his home. I needed support, but my siblings had stopped talking to me since I walked out of my marriage. Actually, they never agreed with my marriage to begin with. My sister didn’t attend the wedding and my brother was more like a guest than a family member. The distance between us, both geographically and emotionally, showed me the kind of cunning souls they became. 

I wasn’t seeking their emotional or mental support at all. They were more damaged than me. What they promised me, however, was they would help me if I wished to move abroad. When I finally made that decision, they left me astray. I am not sure what exactly influenced them to be of no help to me, but my brother talked to my parents and emphasized saving more money for his second house. 

My sister didn't have a good reason. She never saved money for herself. In fact, all her life while living in the UK, she took a lot of money from my brother to which she never returned. Maybe that's the reason he didn't help me either.

In 2018, I appeared for the IELTS examination and scored well both in the Academic and General category. I got admission into one of the master’s programs at California University, and they asked me to show funds. That's when my siblings backed out. 

When I appeared for the General exam to apply for the Permanent Residency in Canada, I didn’t have enough funds to show to the embassy. So my idea of moving abroad fell flat on its face. At that time, I felt as if the whole world was standing against me and I became more depressed, anxious, and suicidal.

Read chapter 2 of My Haunted Years

Once I was talking to my mother and told her how everybody rejected helping me when I needed them the most and she told me, “Why do you need anyone? You are the strongest, bravest, and most intelligent person I know. Rely on God, and He will show you the path.” I wrote those words on the whiteboard in my rented apartment and didn’t remove them for six months.

I didn’t give up. I appeared for more than 200 interviews and everywhere I was put on hold. I cleaned my house, cooked for myself, and took myself out on dates in the nearby shopping malls. I cut off my connection with everybody who wasn’t bringing me peace or would judge me. I was fighting my divorce case which I expected to end in two years as it started in May 2018. Unfortunately, it’s still going on.

In April this year, I was infected with corona and unfortunately passed it on to my parents. I’m so glad that I was around to help them out. 

However, when my parents fell severely sick, my brother said plainly that he won’t be able to come if they die. That’s the respect he has for them. I felt agitated and wanted to abuse him right away, but I didn’t. I save my energy for good causes now.

What I truly think about them is we all have been through the same level of trauma, but turning our back to our parents during times of crises tells more about the kind of human beings we have become. I wouldn’t do that to my parents or someone in need. I became spiritual since the times I experienced darkness and to make my way to the light, I had to unlearn many things in my life.

I unlearned being an asshole. I unlearned feeling victimized by my domestic violence experiences because the memories were suffocating and depressing. I unlearned being arrogant.

One of the best things I have done is work on myself and I am proud of these lessons I have unlearned.

My siblings have blocked me on social media, but they stalk me. This is what my mother told me because they know about everything I put out there. Maybe I am too irresistible. I don’t respect my siblings not because they didn’t help me, but because they are not worthy of respect. They aren’t people who would help others or raise others back to life. They are too engrossed in living their fake lives.

At present, my writing has started picking up, and this is something that would always make me more proud than any of my other achievements. Last year, after publishing my first book, I gave the copy to my father and he told me how proud he was of me. 

He never read the story.