Pretty Boys Don't Cry: Chapter 2

FANTASIES AND FACADES

Reader advisory: The following episode contains descriptions that may not be suitable for younger readers, including discussions of sexual content. Reader discretion is advised.

Story written by: Carlos Anthony

I thought Nita and I were going to get caught. The first thing I did was look for a place to hide and think of an exit strategy. The windowless room provided no options for me to leave. It was between the closet and under the bed until her uncle had gone back to his room.

Nita came off from on top of me. She quickly put on her clothes and left the room to distract her uncle while I got dressed. We listened to music and cuddled until it was safe for me to go. Then she escorted me out of her house.

It was my graduating year. Shawna and I were done, but we still had a hold on each other. In between leading each other on with the possibilities of getting back together, we explored our options. It wasn’t long before her warm embrace was now a cold sign of the little respect she had left for me. It was time for me to move on, and sex with other girls wasn’t going to be enough. I needed purpose but didn’t have any guidance. 

Nick was a Guyanese student who had transferred to our school, and he promoted several successful all-ages parties. Nick saw my potential because of how confident I was with talking to girls and invited me to work for Kags promotion. It didn’t pay, but the benefits made it worth it. I would get free tickets and exchange them for phone numbers, bubbles, and dates with groupies. 

Nick and I got poached by another promoter named Sam who over-promised and under-delivered. Sam had me focus on managing and building up the street team. That’s when I met Liz. She was five foot three inches and light enough for me to lift above my shoulders. She had beautiful hazel eyes that distracted you from her attitude and wore hairstyles that were considered “ghetto” to compensate for her white-passing complexion. Everything she wore was either too tight or too short. Coupled with her innocent, babydoll face, Liz was hard to miss. 

She also had a reputation for being a hoe, and when Sam told me he wanted to recruit her, I was against it. I thought if she was going to be like the hoes I went to school with then the men on our team would be trying to get at her and that would distract us from getting money. But when I confronted her about the rumours and finally heard her testimony, I actually felt sorry for her.

She vented to me about her relationship problems and I found myself offering her advice. Her boyfriend was an idiot and I wasn’t able to bite my tongue when it came to some of the shit she told me about him. Over time, Liz and I became best friends and I sent subtle hints that the issues she had with him wouldn’t happen with me. Nita trained me well. 

Liz wasn’t the type to break up; she was the type to transition from one relationship to the next. She always kept her options open when things in the relationship weren’t going well. She would leave the men she dated without closure and then lie to her new prospects about her relationship status. She made guys seem crazy and obsessive when they called her trying to repair the relationship. 

Those red flags weren’t enough to keep me away from her because I was distracted by the pornstar sex. The faces and sounds she made while we fucked stayed on my mind long after I left her home. She was like a drug the way she took you on a high, and when she wore off, you came spiralling down.

She bragged about spending time in juvenile detention centres and being charged. It was her way of sharing how tough she was. Since I hadn’t experienced any of those things, she considered me a soft, pretty boy. I told myself I wouldn’t get too invested. That I would just have casual sex with her. But the more time we spent together, the more I started to fall for her. 

She grew on me. The more vulnerable she was with me, the more I revealed about myself. We held each other’s secrets and I was willing to do anything for her. Despite the rumours that came with her reputation, I saw her potential. I wanted her to be more than just another model, and I had plans to give her the life I felt she deserved. 

Liz and I were inseparable but weren't exclusive. I was afraid to commit because I didn’t trust her. I kept catching her in lies but would forgive them for sexual acts of service. The more insecure she made me feel, the more nasty the sex would be. We played Russian roulette with our lives when we didn’t use condoms. Even though I questioned her loyalty, I wanted more. 

Read Chapter 1 of Pretty Boys Don’t Cry

My mother worried about where I was spending all of my time. The only time she saw me was when I came home to change clothes. If I wasn’t at my day job, then I was working with Sam, and if I wasn’t working with him, then I was sleeping at Liz’s. My mother thought that all the girls who came over were just braiding my hair, and the girls who were on the phone were just friends. What separated Liz from the rest of the girls was that she was the only one I got caught having sex with. 

My parents weren’t at home, and I was foolish to think that my brothers would respect my privacy. Liz and I couldn’t go minutes without having sex. We’d have sex anywhere and everywhere. On that summer afternoon, we started making out in the elevator to occupy our time while waiting to get to my parent’s apartment. Liz was wearing the shortest mini skirt that she had to keep pulling down every other step she took. It had been taunting me all day, and I couldn’t wait to get her to my bedroom. Her panties were soaked before I started fingering her, and I left hickies on her neck before exiting my floor.

When we walked inside the apartment, I bribed my brothers with money to give Liz and myself privacy. I took her into my bedroom and we continued from where we left off in the elevator. She gave me that bottom bunk work, but I didn’t realize that my brother was peeking through the door while she was on top. It was like live porn to him. 

When Liz left, her panties were still on the floor of my bedroom. Plus the room was a mess and smelling funky. When my mother found the drenched panties on the floor, there was no lying my way out of it. She was anxious to cuss me out and left me a furious voicemail. She called Liz every name in the book. It was like once she knew I was having sex, something snapped in her.

She didn’t like the example I was setting for my brothers. She didn’t want Liz coming back to the house, and because of how inseparable Liz and I were at the time, that meant I wouldn’t be there either. 

My friends and cousins thought I was crazy for choosing Liz over my mother. They didn’t understand that I hated being home. They didn’t understand the traumatic events that had transpired during my childhood that made me resent my mother, and they didn’t understand what it was like to have pussy on demand.

I understood where my mother was coming from, but didn’t like how she disrespected Liz and hated that she would never hear me out in a disagreement. 

I was tired of being treated like a child. Tired of being forced to accept things I disagreed with and felt old enough to advocate for myself. Being seen and not heard wasn’t something I could tolerate anymore. 

Liz had been living by herself for a few months but was always broke. She never worked, and the only money she received was from Children’s Aid. She was a crown ward, and since she lived independently, she was entitled to receive just under eight hundred dollars. 

The dreams Sam had sold us were running out of time. Being on the street team didn’t pay bills, and the perks didn’t feed us. Sam needed to find a way to get us paid. 

The team was falling apart because Sam couldn't be mobile. He didn’t drive and wasn’t earning any money, so everything fell on my shoulders. One evening Sam called me with an opportunity to give us what felt like real money. The sweetest part of the deal was that we weren’t doing anything illegal. We thought it was too good to be true, and as things turned out, it was. 

White girls and white-passing girls would be flown out for an all-inclusive vacation with a five hundred dollar shopping spree. All they had to do was bring back this branch-like object. It was considered agricultural, but it made people intoxicated when they chewed on it. Sam and I received fifteen hundred per girl that we sent. 

It seemed like all of our money problems were going to go away. All I could think about was the win-win opportunity I saw for Liz and myself. She’d finally get the break and experience she deserved and this would be my opportunity to show what I could provide for her. 

It didn't take much convincing once Liz met Sam's friends. They took Liz out to get a new passport, dinner and shopping to seal the deal; she was ready to go. 

It had only been a few hours, but I missed her like crazy. I didn't sleep the first night because of how worried I was. When Liz didn't call me until the second day, I expected the worst. The first night I thought she was having a girl’s gone wild trip with the other girls. After not hearing anything from her the second day, I thought maybe she had been kidnapped.

I couldn't take it anymore. I called Sam and had him call his girl who was on the trip. He was having a hard time getting a hold of her too. Liz called me later that day. I acted as if I wasn't worried when I answered the phone, but I felt such a relief. 

Liz told me that her period had been late, but she was waiting to come back to Toronto to take a test. She said nothing that was promised on the trip happened. Liz was becoming paranoid. I tried getting her to speak and think more optimistically for fear of her manifesting the worst. 

But it was too late. 

It was like she had a crystal ball how she prophesied her fate. Liz and the other two girls on the trip had their luggage searched. They were held under arrest.