I Wanted People To Like Me So Badly
FROM FIGHTS TO FORENSICS
Remember last week when we told you that we’ll be sharing stories from teenagers? Well, this is the first story. It’s written by Tianna Bailey, who is from the Jane and Finch neighbourhood of Toronto, Canada. Tianna is currently studying to be a Forensic Toxicologist and writes about the moment that changed her life and set her on the right path.
Some would say that I am independent, self-driven and focused for the better. However, I was not always like this. Throughout elementary and middle school, I believed that the criteria for being cool and having a lot of friends was to have an attitude, be disrespectful to any and everyone, and get into fights. I was one of those kids.
By the time I got to the 5th grade, I wasn’t serious about having a basketball career. I fell into a role where I wanted to have a lot of friends, be like them and basically fit in with the rest.
One situation that really sticks out at me was when I would always argue with my 5th-grade teacher. It was a constant back and forth every other day with us and one day it just went too far. It got really bad and by the end of it, I had called my teacher the b-word. As soon as I got sent to the office, I knew what I had done was disrespectful and wrong. As a consequence, I received a one-day suspension.
During that suspension, I re-evaluated my life. One thing that really stood out to me was that I was this mean and aggressive person to everyone all the time, but when I got home, I was a completely different person. I thought to myself, “why is that?”
It came down to this: I wanted people to like me so badly that I would do things and act out in ways that were never taught to me at home. Essentially, I was following behind the wrong people which caused me to acquire a habit where I felt like I was literally angry all the time. Deep down, I knew that I really had no right to be angry, but the thought of fitting in overtook that desire for me to look the other way.
I knew that I couldn’t continue acting like that. I realized that being that way wasn’t going to make me successful and get me far in life. However, the main thing that I continuously prided myself on was making my mom and brother proud. I always told myself, “If not for me, then for them.”
My brother was an inspiration to me. Both my mother and brother lived in Jamaica and came to live in Canada before I was born. My brother went to school, played basketball and did what he had to do and now he has racked up multiple athletic accolades, multiple degrees and is living out his dream job of being a school teacher. My brother tutored me, coached me and really just taught me the ways in life how I could give back to get back. He was my father figure and I wanted to be just like him.
My mother, on the other hand, didn't end up completing high school because she had gotten pregnant with my brother and decided to move to Toronto to give my brother and me a better life. I realized that there was no way that I could disappoint them. They’ve done too much for me, especially my mom moving from country to country making sure we had a chance at success, for me to just throw away all they’ve done on the basis of being the popular girl.
After that, I really turned my life around. I cut all ties with negative individuals that didn’t serve me. Some tactics that I used to steer away from negative energy was staying inside more, not engaging in drama or fighting, and eventually declining any invitations to any kind of gatherings. I developed such a habit of doing those things that I realized deep down, I really didn’t have much in common with these people.
Once that started working for me, I noticed that I started having a better attitude, I was more heavily focused on my basketball career, and I started excelling in my school work. I felt so much better about myself and where I was going. As long as I had my mother and brother, I knew I could do anything and be anything without falling down the wrong path.
Now I am a 19-year-old and a student-athlete in my second year of university. In addition to being a student at York, I am also an active member of the women’s basketball team. Over the past two years, my time at York has been amazing. Education-wise, school has been great, minus a couple hiccups in my first year. But a new environment comes with some trials and tribulations. Experience was all I needed and now I’m doing great!
I’ve also met and made friends with many of my classmates. It was great for me to develop skills on how to make friends outside of my sport and expand my comfort zone.
Many people think that being a science major and taking biology and chemistry courses every semester is hard and sometimes boring, but when you have a deep liking for working with chemicals, genetics and learning about our bodies, it’s everything and more.
In terms of basketball, I came to the team two years ago not knowing anyone and being nervous. Nervous because this was a whole new team dynamic and a new culture that I would have to learn to fit into. That was something I wasn’t used to. Back in high school, I already knew all of my teammates from either middle school or rep teams. I was also nervous because I knew that I would have to open up and make friends, which was kind of hard because I’m more of an observer than a talker so that was something new to me.
But I couldn’t ask for better people to be on a team with. They included me in everything, encouraged me and I can say that I’ve made some long-lasting friendships in the short time that I’ve been here. Our team chemistry is what brought us together and what brought home a big win against the number 6 team in the country and I couldn’t be more proud to be a part of something this special.
That being said, the difference between interacting with them as opposed to individuals in my neighbourhood, is that I really don’t interact with those people. Not to say that I don’t like people in my neighborhood, it's just that I’ve seen and/or heard what some of them do or what has happened to some. Some situations include smoking, drinking, gang violence, and most of the time just outright disrespect to others no matter who they were.
I realized, even as a young child, that I didn’t want to be or be associated with people like that. I wanted to be my own person and create my own future without the influence of negative people.
In the future, I plan to have my dream career in forensics. Specifically, I want to be a Forensic Toxicologist or DNA analyst. After I get my degree, I plan to either get my Master’s or hope to get an entrance internship at a local forensics department. Besides the fact that I actually had a passion for science, another big reason that I chose this educational and career path was because I wanted to make a difference in my community.
Time and time again, people in my community are killed by gun violence whether they were involved or just innocent bystanders in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most times, these crimes are never solved and there is never justice. The thought of me one day being able to solve these crimes, bring people to justice and ultimately give loved ones' closure and peace of mind, is why I am pushing hard in pursuing a career in forensics.
Whenever I set my mind to something, I always like to set out my ‘why.’ Establishing a ‘why’ gives me something to look forward to, even when times are rough, I think about my ‘why’ and keep going. Serving myself, my family and my community are my ‘whys’.
My name is Tianna Bailey. I’m 19 years old and in my sophomore year at York University in Toronto, Canada. Alongside pursuing my bachelor’s degree in biology, I am a student-athlete on the Women’s Basketball team.
